Apprehension, if
Incessant empties sometimes
Mind; nature succors.
Empty stomach, torn
Garb, tiny tot O! God, hard.
Raffle she wins, basks.
To amateurs, the
Robbers, “Ponder burglary,
No bare wallet then.”
With no aesthetics
Hearts cannot hold love-essence.
Life becomes barren.
Month-end, husband with
Empty hand in woe,
wife dear
Solaces and hugs.
Summer ails river
Toddler, no water, mother
Cloud aids her to play.
Toddler, no water, mother
Cloud aids her to play.
For http://haikuhorizons.wordpress.com/category/haiku-horizons/
Honestly, I found it difficult to comprehend these lines. My limitation , perhaps!
ReplyDeleteI feel that you have good ideas coming to you, but when you translate it into words they seem to go berserk, if I may use the word.Why do not you make it simple or have a flow as gentle as it can be? My experience and feeling of the BLOG world tells me that when readers pour rousing comments and appreciation we have to be careful and see if they are simply being nice to us. I mean an appreciation may not always be earned and deserving.
In fact sometimes a misplaced appreciation can do more harm than a honest and sincere assessment.
Your Malayalam lines are really good,I'm sure you can bring in that gentleness into the English versions too.
I hope you would take this in the right spirit.
Thank you for the suggestion. The problem lies with the syllable count of haiku as some words exceed the limit I find an equivalent which may go wild.The other areas of my writing is somewhat mild( I feel so) and moreover my lexical purse meets word crunch. So what little I have, I tinkle here.
DeleteI am just a squirrel that tries to open the mouth as an elephant does(Mallu saying). Any way I'll rectify the flaws if I can.With regard to comments I know the perspectives vary from person to person.Some do it for comment sake while some are genuine.Hope you you understand me.
What I mean is 1. persistent worries turn the mind blank, but natural solution is there.
2. The female rejoices when she wins a raffle in utter poverty.
3.The robbers advise the amateurs in robbery to think of robbery always.The wallet won't be empty.
4. Heart with aesthetic sense only, will have the essence of love in it.
5.Wife consoles the husband in his trouble during month-end.
6. In summer rivers dry up and clouds shower rains for them.
It is not mandatory that haiku stanzas should be coherent. It can be even one stanza.
Thamk you once more,Anil.
You've taken haiku into the realm of human relationships. I like this.
ReplyDeleteThank you,Alice.
DeleteMonth-end, husband with
ReplyDeleteEmpty hand in woe, wife dear
Solaces and hugs.
Touched my heart. What an understanding couple.
Thank you,SG.
DeleteReality depicted in very clear terms.
ReplyDeleteThank you,ma'am.
ReplyDeleteA bit of enlightenment there for me after reading the lines again in tandem with your comment. Thank you for appreciating my point. Yes it is my perspective and we are all amateurs.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you may try to use simpler words to suit the tenor and tone. I mean for instance ,better to say ,"he is in love with her beauty" than " He is is in love with her pulchritude".What I mean is sometimes simple words have a greater bite in certain context and vice versa, only that we have to feel it.
Again my perspective..
Thank you.
Thank you ,Anil.
Deletei like the fourth one ! the words depict reality ....thats what haiku is all about ,right?
ReplyDeleteThank you,raj.
DeleteOf all your multiple takes on the prompt, I loved the 4th and 5th the most Sarala. Life becomes truly empty and meaningless when the heart becomes empty of love and hope.
ReplyDeleteThank you,Reshma.
ReplyDeleteEmptiness may at times be the door to fulfillment ... brilliant compilation :-)
ReplyDeleteYea,empty containers oly people choose or filling something.Thank you,Amrit.
ReplyDeleteMy favourite:
ReplyDeleteSummer ails river
Toddler, no water, mother
Cloud aids her to play.
Thank you,Namrata.
ReplyDelete