Nowadays the new
Gen men view things in their rank.
Scorn on old, they own.
‘Knowledge is power,
Vision is victory; hold
Vivacious men high.
Himalayas and
Indian Ocean edge one
Land;vary levels !
Much hard to attain
Ranks of seers' ecstasy ; good
Deeds' bliss we obtain.
Hills and knolls stand high.
Poor rivers,streams lie low; is
Mother Earth unfair?
Gen men view things in their rank.
Scorn on old, they own.
‘Knowledge is power,
Vision is victory; hold
Vivacious men high.
Himalayas and
Indian Ocean edge one
Land;vary levels !
Much hard to attain
Ranks of seers' ecstasy ; good
Deeds' bliss we obtain.
Hills and knolls stand high.
Poor rivers,streams lie low; is
Mother Earth unfair?
sarala.
This is penned for Haiku horizon's prompt 'Level'
http://haikuhorizons.wordpress.com/category/haiku-horizons/
a poem showing nature and reality. wow. cool.
ReplyDeleteThank you,Sharanya.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm!
ReplyDeletePerhaps there is a dispassionate intention to arranging things in Nature
I think only the truth is highlighted here.Thank you,Anil.
DeleteDear Rudra...
ReplyDeleteI loved the point you put across...
And the choice of words...
But one small observation...
Haiku is a form of poetry that goes with 5-7-5 syllable count.
Not word count. there are many sofwares available to count syllable online. Please try them...
Looking forward to read more frm you..
And I loved the cuteness of your blog!
I think I have followed the 5+7+5 pattern of syllables .If I have overlooked any, would you pl.point out.One was there and I corrected it.Thank you loco.
DeleteThanks for the nice poem. Described the nature very well. Looks like your 5-7-5 is OK to me with syllable count.
ReplyDeleteLovely how you show how landscapes balance each other. How nature has so many different awe inspiring levels. Even the balance between old and new. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteThank you,Kathy.
Deletenice work ! love them all !
ReplyDelete(i also love the old fashioned 575 style of haiku ! for me ,my fingers are syllable counters )
Thank you,raj. I depend on pronunciation for syll. count. and if doubt arises I try to clear it through Google or Dictionary.
DeleteEach serve their purpose-the high and low.Nice verses
ReplyDeleteYou can make sure of the number of syllables using
http://www.wordcalc.com/
Thank you ,Parththa, for the comment and guidance to syll.count.
DeleteBeautifully put Sarala, each one takes us to a wise new level :)
ReplyDeleteThank you,Reshma.
DeleteSometimes syllable count can be tricky. I generally use http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/ to verify my haiku. Unfortunately it looks like you might need to tweak your verses to put them in the standard 5-7-5 form. But like Tom pointed out overall your verses are deeply thought out.
DeleteThank you Reshma.Even some words in different sites and also in Dictionary.So hereafter I'll follow http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/
DeleteI loved the wisdom of your observations all throughout this piece but, I am afraid I have to agree with Locomente that the 5-7-5 syllable count is off several times in this piece. That does not detract from your wisdom of your poetry but, it does detract from billing it as haiku. I am sorry. I did like your message, however, if that helps. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you,Tom. Will you point out the thing?
DeleteCertainly. I am a teacher from Canada and am, most respectfully, willing to answer your request.
DeleteI will demonstrate what Locomente and I were speaking up by referring to your final two stanzas
Hard to attain
(Syllables: Hard (1) to (2) at- tain (3,4)
Levels in ecstasy of seers; good
(Lev-els (1,2) in (3) ec-sta-cy (4,5,6) of (7) se-ers (8,9); good (10)
Deeds' bliss we obtain.
(Deeds (1) bliss (2) we (3) obtain (4,5)
***So, this stanza has a 4-10-5 syllable count instead of the traditional 5-7-5 count.
Hills and knolls stand high.
(Hills (1) and (2) knolls (3) stand (4) high(5)
Poor rivers and rivulets lie low.
(Poor (1) rig-ers (2,3) and (4) riv-u-lets (5,6,7) lie (8) low (9)
Mother Earth is unfair.
(Moth-er (1,2) Earth (3) is (4) un-fair (5,6)
So, the final stanza has a 5-6-9 syllable count.
Again, I offer my pointers with the utmost of respect. If you have any questions or concerns please don't hesitate to contact me and I will gladly assist you in any way possible. :)
Thank you for your suggestions.Actually certain words remain without doubts in my mind,One or two such ones have differed in count.And sometimes I follow Oxford Dictionary by A S Hornby in which some words show difference. Eg. Ec-stacy 2,2 level 1,2, seer 1,1, river 1,1 rivu-let 2, 2 ,mother 1, un-fair 2(Dictonary & syllable counter respectively).
DeletePl.view it once more.I think I have rectified it.Even Syllable counter,word count shows 2 in ecstacy and syll. counter haiku count shows 3.
Thank you once more.
Fair enough. I consulted the Merriam Webste dictionary for ecstasy and it says three syllables. I checked the Oxford dictionary and it says two. I will leave you to your poem and the original intent of your words. Thanks and, have a good day.
DeleteThis is very beautiful ... the words complimenting each other to form a nice collection :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you,Amrit.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fine collection of poems. Good work. Well expressed and engaging thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you,Alice.
ReplyDeleteTom, thanks a lot I had published your last comment. It is not seen. I don't know if I have clicked it wrongly(Delete).I wanted that to be here.Anyway I am really grateful to you for your effort.
ReplyDeletebeautiful poem
ReplyDeleteThank you,sm.
ReplyDelete